A Stone

“The most beautiful thing we can experience is the mysterious. It is the source of all true art and science. He to whom the emotion is a stranger, who can no longer pause to wonder and stand wrapped in awe, is as good as dead —his eyes are closed." -Einstein 

Sometimes I wonder if it is indeed possible to be smitten with a thought, concept or idea. To be so wrapped in awe with something so highly intangible, yet know the feeling all at once. I don't know, but I do. 

Lately, life has been one giant paradox rolled into a mist of car crashes, pregnancies and births, robberies and beatings. People in my life one minute and out the next. You know, just everything that comes with your twenties. Numbness. It's developed all within the past year like nothing I could have ever imagined. To think such an emotion has been derived specifically from interaction between myself and the friends I've called coworkers at a tiny little franchised coffee shop on the corner of Montgomery and Bush. It has allowed me to cope without crying every other minute or seek the help of medication or a professional. I do manage to poke my head in the clouds and wonder every now and again, which somehow keeps me grounded. Stress. Depression. Insanity. Whatever you want to call it, I somehow seem to keep it tamed at one point or another all with the help of my little friend I like to call sleep. Whatever exists at this point. 

The dreams have been a tid bit rough as of late, but it all makes sense given my current situation. Hamsters with bleeding eyes, stolen wallets and phones, conversations with Brendan Urie, and "human sacrifices" on muni--the whole shebang. Unconscious fragments forming complex reflections of a concrete world; my dreams. 

I think it's time to start a new journal, whether it entails dreams or not. Let's hope it doesn't get lost or stolen. And scene. 

Bits and Pieces

Whew. Life, man. Between the chaos of work, school, and registration it seems these MFs living below me have set the tone for all the bizarre happenings of my life with their wild banshee screams and whimsical concoctions of dubstep beats (not sure that made any sense, but we'll just go with it). Hm. By the sounds of it, I guess things could be a bit worse though.

So, first I'd like to address the somewhat random page views I've been receiving according to the blogger "audience" tracker. I'm pretty thrilled that any form of life (holler to the extra terrestrials out there too...okay, i'll stop) is semi-interested in the wild thoughts of my unconscious mind, so this is a warm welcome to you! Hola, Guten Tag, Bonjour, & Wazzaahh from my itty bitty San Francisco apartment! If you have not already noticed, my goal here is to place meaning to all of the nonsensical blurs and whisps that are conducted in my sleep, otherwise known as the delicately knit fabric with jagged seams and hems that reflect my conscious thoughts and behaviors. Cool beans.

Alright, so the dreams yo. THE DREAMS. Lately, I've been neglecting to record any of my dreams (pathetic) which means I really only remember bits and pieces of the pretty damn hilarious ones. My goal is to bring back the journal by tomorrow if I can revamp it with the old recordings on my phone.. SO. Let's see. I'm pretty sure this dream happened yesterday as I remember blabbing about it to my roommate. I appeared to be on a field trip with some people from class and my roommate Michele, and our primary mode of transportation was some form of a party bus with a stripper pole smacked right dab in the middle (i'm thinking this is about 90% accurate). This woman in our class we can't seem to stand was the focus of majority of the events, as she was cracking jokes here and there, just being the typical annoying 40-something-year-old-woman that only talks about her kids.. oh, and buffalo. Anywho, as we arrived at our destination I noticed that our little stripper van was parked on the street of Pinole Valley Rd. in the front of my local bowling alley. There were lines upon lines of people seated on the grass in small groups, yet I could not seem to find a proper area to sit. Because of this, I felt that Michele and I were the rebels of the group, causing as much trouble as we could possibly achieve. I'm not sure if we ever found a seat, but it was pretty amusing for us going in and out of the groups as they stared at us searching for a patch of grass.

Now, onto bits of the next dream I had this morning. I remember being in some type of urban setting with lots of tall buildings and windy and steep roads (much like San Francisco). One of the group members of my HTM class was in and out of the scenes, doing random things I can't quite recall. At one point, I was parked on somewhat of a hill at a stoplight and to my surprise I could feel and see the earth rise below me, as if there were an earthquake. Slowly, the ground continued to rise along with my anxiety as I sat behind the wheel trying to figure out what to do. This was all I can really recall, but the strange thing about this particular scene was the connection it made with a story my roommate told me about a supposed earthquake she experienced last night. I'm not sure if the timing of the events connected with one another, but it was pretty damn eerie hearing her mention an earthquake and then remembering this dream. Premonitions, possibly?

Finally, this is dream occurred roughly a few weeks ago after my roommates and I rented a zipcar for the night (to be exact, it was the day after 4/20!). I was seen in the front passenger seat of a small car with my roommates as Ni'Keah began practicing behind the wheel. She started driving and out of nowhere a large van of guys appeared to be driving on our shoulder kind of yelling and dancing, asking to hang out or something. We laughed as she continued driving off into the abyss of future mayhem. Given that she does not have her license and was practicing the night before (true events), Ni'Keah (in the dream) was driving all types of reckless as she drove into on coming traffic and running over people's driveways, nearly crashing majority of the time. I'm pretty sure I tried controlling the steering wheel over her to avoid any deathly crashes 4/5 times she entered a new street. It was definitely a wild ride and thrilling to say the least.

Twas a pretty lengthy post, so enjoy ya'll. Have a lovely day, & let's vow to get these dream journals rolling!

When the night has come, and the land is dark

It's been a while since my last lucid dream, and it truly irks me. I believe it is time to get back in the habit of recording my dreams through a more tangible medium upon waking, so that I could possibly indulge in this particular sleeping pattern more often. Because ultimately, who doesn't enjoy the concept of controlling her own dream? 

On a stranger note, it is apparent that I am an avid sleep talker. As of late my roommate has gifted me with all types of night time stories, ranging from German gibberish tangents to aggravated cries of distress, and even muffled conversations with myself followed by eerie giggling. Sometimes I'm thankful for having a roommate that doesn't sleep until 3 a.m so that I can hear the psychotic slurs that slip from my mouth as I sleep. Truly fascinating stuff i'd say. I also did a bit of research on the topic a while back and found this quite profound: 

"Modern sleep science and the law accept that sleep talking is not a product of a conscious or rational mind and is therefore usually inadmissible in court." 

Who would have thought the law and sleep talking could potentially face one another? Deep Sh*t. Anyhow, back to some recent dreams. I believe last night I dreamed that I received an 'F' on a paper I am currently waiting to receive for my WGS class. I could somehow feel my stomach sink in my sleep, which was an extremely odd feeling. At some point the letter on the paper sort of shifted into an 'A' so I was able to rest a little easier (no pun intended). Some other craziness went down, but I forgot it pretty quickly this morning. Agh, it is time to improve my current habits and delve further into the thoughts and behaviors of my unconscious mind!  Saddle up, ya'll! 

Hide and Seek

Well, then. It's been quite some time since my last post, and clearly A LOT has changed. Firstly, landing this job at the Coffee Bean has not only allowed me to rack in some dough but it's shifted my mood tremendously. Despite the sometimes strenuous closing hours at the Bean and all the reading for classes I've accumulated with this semester, all has been ridiculously well. Spraaang Breaakk was utterly fantastic, as I was able to visit with friends and family, proving to be quite a luxury in this day and age for meh. I busted out some pretty badass grades for my midterms (well, in a few classes at least), I've been able to try some tasty cuisine through random expeditions, ANNND it appears my social circle is starting to enhance because of some very awesome people. Not sure why that sounded so pretentious.. 

Anyway, I've been neglecting proper sleep for the longest time so when I manage to take a nap or two or am awarded a few extra hours in the morning, my unconscious mind just goes berserk. I've noticed recent trends in my dreams that entail confrontation, awkward situations, HEIGHTS, traveling, and altercations with people I either miss or have not seen in the. longest. time. For example, part of my dream this morning was set at a random house and two of my twin sister friends from high school were with me attempting to get down from the highest part of the building. However, a rope or suspension cable was not available to help us successfully get down without dying.. Yet, I somehow managed to reach the bottom which shifted into my Grandma's house. From there I was seen in my Uncle's backroom with friends and family visiting, those of which I was just being introduced. Out of nowhere a group of older men who appeared to be some of my Dad's old friends tried to come into the house, yet were unsuccessful. At some point I was running in the driveway attempting to shoo them from the property, screaming as if they were rapist perpetrators.. I think I may have called the cops on them as well. After they left the property, I needed to leave so I apologized to the newest members of my family and bid them farewell. Other pretty crazy dreams have also taken place; too bad I can not remember the details as vividly.

As for now, it's a wee bit toasty so I'm going to hit the sheets and hopefully have some fairly mellow dreams. Over and out, mateys. a